a few dread words

Goals. Targets. Prioritising. Career. The language of business and the grown-up world. I resist, buck against it, my contrary side fights through. I think I can safely say I have succeeded (watch it!) in my stated desire not to have a career (with all its overtones of ambition, monetary motivation, seriousness, achievement over integrity). Writing for me is a vocation; it is my lifeblood, not to overstate it. Yet, I also have to acknowledge I am ambitious to some degree (which troubles me), and certainly it’s not enough to write and leave it in that cliched drawer. Writing means engaging with the world. This is important to me: being engaged, in the existentialist sense. And I like, too, the existentialist idea of a fundamental project. Project – another word that has become sullied in the work context.
And then I feel sorry for these words. It’s not their fault that (in my mind anyway) they carry such corporate associations. Words exist in the world. They have feelings, I’m convinced of it. We must treat them with care.

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